I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
