My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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