Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
