my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
