In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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