Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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