I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
