He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
