I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
