are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
