I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
