Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I need a beard to bite.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
