I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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