Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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