you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
