I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
