You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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