i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
