Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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