Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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