Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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