he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
