my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
