Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
