Sober January is a disaster.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
