Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
