I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
