Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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