I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
