Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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