i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
