right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We're using joints as your birthday candles
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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