Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
