I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Let's paint friendship bongs
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
