last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
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