What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
