the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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