Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
