And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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