so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize