Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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