You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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