the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
