I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
