So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
