You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
