What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
