Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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