I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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