is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
