it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize