So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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