I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
