You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
