does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
where does the pee come out of this thing
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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