fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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