my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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