i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
