Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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