Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
did i just pee glitter
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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