Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
