Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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