yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize