The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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