fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
