My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
