pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
