I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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