So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
