No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
