i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize