You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
