Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
