I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
