If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
