i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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