i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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