Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize