The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
