bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
