i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
