Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
