Michael Bay diarrhea
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
