remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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