Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
