I'm drive I can fine osifer
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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