you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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