why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
tell me about the eggs
Randomize