Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize