he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize