please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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