just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize