last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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