3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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