You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
