im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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