Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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