Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
